Monday, February 23, 2004
i don't know what i should be feeling like right now. used? crestfallen? hopeful? i guess it all depends on the perspective i put myself in.
today has just begun. and it's already been a long day. i don't know what to do anymore. i go one way thinking it's the better choice, but i find the negatives within that decision. so i lean the other way, hoping that it is a better choice than before, but i soon find out to my disadvantage that it alters and kills so many options and alternatives. if i could, i wouldn't move at all; seeing as how both options given to me are so hard to weigh out, i might as well not pick one at all. but things don't work like that, do they?
someone, please help.
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Friday, February 20, 2004
somehow, i can't understand the ongoing progression. i have the worst feeling about it. i can only hope that it is not true what i feel.
"when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you scream, i'd fight away all of your fears.
and i held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me." - evanescence, my immortal
just... look around. open your eyes. when light has finally been seen and no one is waiting for you, look beside you: i will still be there.
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Monday, February 16, 2004
the sincerest happpiest birthday to my best lesbian friend, felsh.
knowing you, having you in my life, seems so natural now; i can't picture my future without you. and all the "coincidences" in our life... they aren't coincidences, felicia. they can't be. because our friendship sure isn't. and i cherish that over so many things. happy birthday-- may this day bring joy. and to another year of friendship: after all we've been through, we can't let each other go now.
miss ya gurly.
time flies.
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Saturday, February 14, 2004
finally!!!
i took so many hours between yesterday and today, to fix up my poetry site. so please; if you have time, i would much appreciate your visit there. leave a comment-- i really hope you like it.
and once again, happy valentine's day. and thank You, of course.
happy valentine's day to all.
and you can blame it on this day or whatever, but i have a lot on my mind right now. maybe too much.
i'm writing. writing so much, i don't know if i'm making sense... i haven't written this much about this certain topic in such a long time. it's just overflowing. maybe i had hidden it in for so long, i had forgotten that it ever existed. but now i know that i was just breeding more of it deep inside. and for some reason, i don't want to keep it hidden anymore. my body won't allow it and my mind will most certainly not.
i have a feeling this time, it cannot be stopped.
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Wednesday, February 11, 2004
happy 1st birthday to my lovable blog.
a year ago, i created this weblog, to post my feelings-- elation, uncertainty, fear, disappointment, realization, happiness, depression, joy. i created this, with the knowledge that most everyone i know was going to (once, at least) visit it and read my mind. you can even click here. scroll all the way down. it says, "this blog created february 11, 2003." and if you read the post, it says that i created this blog in order to keep in touch with those whom i regretfully cannot visit often, to have it so that this online journal would allow me to keep in touch with those i love. and for the most part, it certainly has.
look at this. how far has my journal come? i read some of my old posts and i think to myself, "at this given moment, i thought this, i felt that. and all is recorded in my own personal words, into an html box, onto a website. and i love it."
what a great feeling. thanks, blog, for sticking with my complaints and smiling with my joys. without you i think i would have gone mad centuries before.
to another wonderful year, blog. thanks.
signed,
mai kozai, author and editor of iam_mai
p.s. - and my deepest appreciation to those who take their time to visit and read what i write. you are my audience and i am so thankful of you.Wednesday, February 04, 2004
first and foremost: awesome day on monday (february 2nd).
1.) i found out that i got the highest grade in my english class, with my essay about martin luther king, jr. and his actions. that really calmed me, because i was anxious to find out what i had gotten. i pulled an all-nighter trying to perfect each detail... so whew, what a relief.
2.) and during my music class. my composition (it was elemental music, i swear) was played in front of the whole class, as my professor sat there nodding and saying, "wonderful! excellent...". it was embarrassing, but definitely flattering. "awesmoe", as kody and bates would say. (by the way, click on that link... their site is hilarious.) and of course, thanks to my best friend jay for helping me with part of my music composition. you rock.
3.) monday night rehearsals for marching band was great. i finally got to see one of my alto friends that i've not seen since before winter break. he and i had a wonderful conversation, and the band was rockin'. marched, too... one of my upperbandsmen noticed my marching skills. he complimented me on my high-step marching, that i was the only freshie to have my legs up that high. heehee, thanks. and cool beans. you rule, chico.
excuse this lame update. i'm actually preparing myself for a huge update. you guys will know when it is. so i must save my energy for that post... probably the next one, i suppose.
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